The Vegas Vanity Lesson

By: Tory  |  Published: June 25th, 2013   |  Category: Tory Shulman News



It was Saturday night. The big night. I was with 12 girls attending my best friend and her partner’s bachelorette weekend in Vegas. We were all dressed up in our sluttiest and most glitterful outfits. The heels were too high and the make up was too thick and it was perfect.

I understood we were quite a scene. 12 gorgeous girls walking in a group, filled with confidence and several Tito’s vodka shots. Men were staring. Women were staring. Even lonely Black Jack dealers were staring. And then at one point—just as we were about to walk into our restaurant. I started hearing it. Applause.

I was in the back of the group since I walk like a slow pregnant woman. But the rest of my group up ahead was clearly getting a roaring standing ovation from a table of handsome male diners at a restaurant we were passing. Vanity struck me like a electric shock and I tried to move my tush up to the front so I too could bathe in the light of this applause. I also wanted to be “that chick wearing that dress” that these guys talked about for the rest of the night. Ahh but that is when karma hit me like another electric shock but this time much much much worse.

As I was jogging to to catch up with my girls-my 18 inch heels tripped on the glossy marble floors and I fell to my face as my legs sprawled out violently above my head.  Immediately I was inundated with  so much pain and so much embarrassment. But as Ellen DeGeneres always says: “Pain always takes a back seat to embarrassment doesn’t it?” And she is right. Immediately I was up on my feet, walking quickly away from the scene of the accident. I was smiling and acting as if nothing had happened. No one saw me. I am totally fine. So what if I tore my ACL?

Then I see a man approach. Running towards me with concerned eyes.

Man: “OH my god! Are you ok? That looked really bad.”
Me: “Oh yes thanks. Yeah it was nothing. Im all set.”
Man: “Are you sure?? I’ve never seen someone eat shit like that before in my lifetime.”
Me: “Just a small trip. I’m fine.”
Man: “Well here is your bracelet that snapped off and went flying when you wrists hit the ground.”
Me: “Thanks! That clasp is so untrustworthy.”

I finished dinner as the bruises started appearing. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and thought to myself: Tory oh Tory. This is what happens when vanity overtakes you. This is what happens when you can’t enjoy someone else’s happiness. I’m gonna take this humiliating experience and turn it into a lesson learned. Stay humble Tory. Stay grounded Tory.

Then I pushed my boobs up and went back into the Vegas night to drink like a fish and gamble money away I didn’t have.