Top 5 Dos and Donts for your 4th of July!

By: Tory  |  Published: July 3rd, 2013   |  Category: Tory Shulman News

 

 

 

1) DO ENJOY KATY PERRY’S “FIREWORK” DURING THE DISPLAY.

 

First of all, it’s a great song. It’s catchy-it’s poppy–it screams summer—and it has a good message. So unless you are partying with an exhausting music snob who will look down at you and explain why they think a deep cut from The Velvet Underground would have been a better choice–turn up that volume, ignite the light and own the night like it’s the 4th of July. Cause it is MothaFuckas!

 

2) DON’T USE A LOT OF KETCHUP

 

This one comes from my own experience. The 4th is usually a balmy summer night. There is a usually a party to attend. If you are a pasty, Caucasian like myself, you have probably just tanned your legs in order not to blind people with your Tide whiteness.  And there is a very high probability that you will be wearing white–if not only to demonstrate obvious patriotism but also to show off said tan. Add to this mix the spread which will almost inevitably be good ol’ fashion Hot Dogs and Hamburgers which will inevitably come with many of our favorite messy condiments. Welcome to the horrible equation of  yummy burgers with ketchup + white cute outfit from Forever 21 = ruined tan and July 4th.

 

3) DO CELEBRATE.

 

If you are a Democrat like me– you should be proud to celebrate a country that is literally making historical civil rights changes as we speak. Yes, we are not all the way there but Wendy Davis’ bravery in Texas and the freedom for everyone in this country to marry are major steps forward and should be sufficiently  celebrated with a shot of something. If you are a Republican, you’ll always have Scalia.

 

4) DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE…OR EVEN DRIVE

 

So I watched this Oprah once about a family who left a wedding on July 4th in a limo only to be hit head on by a drunk driver going 70 mph in the wrong direction on a freeway. The accident left many in their family dead or disabled. The message that the family continually repeated was that had they known that July 4th was the WORST holiday to be in a car they would have NEVER held the wedding on that date. So listen up people: Try to enjoy the night in one location and if you have to drive–be careful and be sober.

 

5) DON’T INSTAGRAM THE  FIREWORKS
Hey Ansel? Ansel Adams? Yeah, your 246 fireworks pictures will always look like blurry, bleeding red dots on a black backdrop. C’mon people. It’s July 4th—I’ll be watching some sort of fireworks too. They all look pretty much the same in person and will also all look pretty much like shit on all of your cameras. So no matter what 1970’s/Polaroid/Sepia tone you filter it with–please show restraint and show off your cute white dress instead!

 

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